20th Day of Christmas
by kuragari nikkou
Summary: Part of my Days of Christmas project. Zidane and Bartz decide to have a friendly bet for the holidays. The monkey and the mouse are in a bit over their heads. Warnings: Zidane kisses girls. Angry girls. Angry guys. OOC.


All characters © their respective owners

-JINGLEDUOJINGLEDECIM

Hoshi: On the twentieth day of Christmas my true love wrote for me!

Warnings: Zidane kisses girls. Angry girls. Angry guys. Dangerous bet. OOC.

-DISSIDIAINGALLTHEWAY!

"I bet I could."

"I bet you can't."

"You'll regret underestimating me."

"I'll be taking whatever treasure you find for the next five gateways."

And so it begins.

59595

"She's going to kill you." Bartz stated. There was no doubt in his voice. Zidane turned his attention to him, narrowing his eyes.

"All I have to do is kiss her, right?" the younger warrior of Cosmos asked rhetorically. "So, I just do it really fast and then run for my life. That shouldn't be too hard." The blond grinned as he headed towards the target. Bartz stayed behind the tree and tall grass and shook his head.

"Definitely going to kill him." He said to himself.

"Hey, Tifa!" Zidane casually greeted her as he made it to where she was. "What's that thing?" He pointed to the big fir tree that the brawler was currently inspecting.

"I don't know." She answered, not taking her eyes off the tree. "I'm hoping it's not a trap, though. I want to take it to the sanctuary and ask Cosmos about it."

"Oh, okay. Do you want any help?" he offered. Tifa finally did turn in his direction with a bemused smile.

"I appreciate the thought, but I think I can carry a tree by myself." She proved her point by grabbing the tree and lifting it out of the dirt, uprooting the massive thing with little effort. She set the trunk on her shoulder and arm to make it more convenient to carry. Zidane stared for a little bit in disbelief before shaking his head and remembering what he came here to do. Now seemed to be the perfect moment. "See-?!" She turned to tell him before he quickly kissed her.

59595

"Cloud?" Tidus asked the older swordsman worriedly. "You're kind of crushing that pillar there." He pointed to the cracks on said structure a little too late as Cloud shattered it in his absentminded grip. "Whoa!" Tidus shoved Cloud out of the way as the rubble fell. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked when it was safe again. Cloud blinked as his eyes focused again, and he turned his attention to the younger blond.

"Sorry." He apologized quietly. "I just…felt really _angry_ all of a sudden." Cloud looked down in thought.

"Must be our environment." Tidus concluded.

"I guess…" Cloud replied even though he didn't really agree.

59595

"…!" Tifa blushed bright red. The boy with the monkey tail thought she kind of tasted a little bit like red wine for some reason as he pulled away. Then she dropped the tree in her hands, the sound seemed to snap her back to reality as her surprised face slowly changed to one of rage. "Zidaaaane!" She tugged on one of her gloves while Zidane ran for his life.

"I thought it was against your policy to beat the crap out of kids!" he yelled as he ran.

"It's not against policy to beat the crap out of perverts!" She yelled back as she continued to run.

59595

"Hah…hah… Told you I could do it…" Zidane told Bartz as he panted out of breath. It was a good thing Tifa decided the tree was more important after a while and gave up the chase.

"Yeah…well… That was only one girl…" Bartz pointed out as he too panted out of breath. He had to run to keep up with Zidane, after all. "And you still…hah…have to get those…ladies from Chaos too."

"Oh yeah…hah…" The blond caught his breath as he thought about all the girls that were Cosmos warriors and the ones sided with Chaos.

"…" a blond girl glided quietly through the air. Bartz and Zidane looked up to see her as she seemed to aimlessly wander about.

"Hey, isn't that a girl from Chaos' side?" Bartz pointed out. "Wonder what she's doing here."

"I wonder how the heck I'm supposed to kiss her when she's up so high." Zidane thought out loud.

"You're an aerial ace, you know. And we have a lot of walls here." The brunet pointed to the walls of the Emperor's domain.

"Oh, this'll be easy then." The blond boy grinned as he jumped from wall to wall to get closer to her. The wanderer frowned at the fact that he just helped Zidane out, but remembered that the thief still had quite a ways to go. Zidane leapt up in front of her, the floating girl's eyes widened a fraction in surprise, and then he held onto her shoulders as he kissed her quickly.

"…" She blinked. The thief thought she tasted strangely like…fire…a warm, crackling feeling on his lips as he pulled away. He was about to let go when the blond girl suddenly changed into a glowing, naked woman with wild hair and claws. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !" She screamed as Zidane fell down in shock.

"Whoa!" Bartz yelled as he grabbed Zidane and ran for it, bolts of thunder and spheres of holy trailing them. "What the heck is she?!"

"I don't know! Just keep running!" The boy with a monkey tail pleaded.

59595

"Hah…I don't know…if I want to…keep doing this…" Zidane admitted as he panted out of breath. The esper seemed to have gotten bored after a while.

"Giving…up already?" Bartz asked.

"Heck…hah…no!" The blond declared.

"Good…" the brunet started. "Because there goes Yuna over there." He pointed to the summoner as she walked with Jecht. Zidane willed up some courage as he walked their way.

"Sir Jecht, do you think Cosmos will know what these are?" She asked as she held up the shiny, round whatever that was with the small black wire hook on it hanging from her staff. She was holding a box of them in one hand.

"Probably." He answered as he carried his own stack of boxes full of things similar to it.

"Hey, Yuna! Hey, Jecht!" Zidane greeted them cheerily. "Here, let me take that." He offered as he took the box of whatever that was from Yuna. "A lady shouldn't have to carry such a load." Jecht eyed the boy warily as Yuna gave him a small smile.

"Oh, it's not so bad. If you really want to help, you could take some of the boxes Sir Jecht is holding." She said as she attempted to take back the box Zidane grabbed. As she leaned down to grip the edges of the box, Zidane leaned in to kiss her quickly.

59595

"Tidus." Cloud said. "Tidus." Cloud repeated as he grabbed the younger swordsman's wrist. "It's already dead. Stop punching it." He ordered. The other warrior blinked as his eyes focused again. He looked up to Cloud as he got off of the broken manikin. Cloud then let his arm go. "Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah…I just felt _really_ angry for some reason!" Tidus explained as he clenched his fists. His hands relaxed and returned to his side. "Must be the environment." He concluded again.

"I guess…" Cloud said even though he didn't really agree.

59595

"Mmnh?!" Yuna seemed to muffle as she held onto the box. The boy with the monkey tail thought she tasted kind of like the sea as he pulled away. She blushed while Jecht dropped the stack of boxes he was holding. His eye twitched, and he called his weapon to his side, pointing the blade at Zidane angrily.

"You!" He yelled before he swung it.

"Whoa!" Zidane dodged the blow and ran for his life for the third time today.

"Sir Jecht!" Yuna protested as she looked at the shattered remains of the boxes Jecht had held. He continued to try and murder the thief while Yuna looked through for anything salvageable from what Jecht broke.

59595

"Hah…well, I only got…three more ladies…to go." Zidane seemed to smile. Yuna lectured Jecht about breaking the whatever it was. They only had one box now.

"You still…have two ladies…from Chaos, remember?" Bartz pointed out.

"Darn it…" Zidane held his head. He looked up and blinked. Then he rubbed his eyes and looked in that same direction again. "Isn't that Squall?!" he pointed. Bartz looked in that direction and was surprised as well.

"Surrender." Ultimecia ordered. Squall only glared at her defiantly.

"Need some help?" Zidane asked as he jumped in all of a sudden.

"Zidane?!" the scarred man asked as he looked at the kid. Then he frowned, and said, "No, this is my fight."

"Still turning down help from your friends, Squall?" the witch mocked. "How utterly col-?!" Her attention had been so focused on the gunblade-wielder that she didn't notice how close the thief was until he had kissed her. The boy with the monkey tail thought she tasted a lot like ice as he pulled away. Bartz was doing everything he could not to laugh out loud at Squall's completely shocked face.

"Zidane, what the _he_-?!" Squall started before he and the blond suddenly froze.

"Insolent child…" Ultimecia growled.

'_This really isn't good.'_ Squall thought. _'What was Zidane thinking?'_

"Watch out, coming through!" Bartz announced as he dashed through the air on Tidus' sword, scoring a clean hit on the witch. Squall and Zidane unfroze as Ultimecia tried to recover from the unexpected attack. Squall equipped his Lionheart while the other two made their escape in all the commotion.

59595

"Hah…thanks…" Zidane said.

"No problem…hah…I want to win, but…doesn't mean you have to die." Bartz explained.

"Well, if it isn't the monkey and the mouse..." A voice above and behind them said. They turned around and looked up to see Cloud of Darkness.

"Gotta be kidding me…" the wanderer said.

"I don't mind this so much." The thief said as he looked the barely covered woman over.

"Why are you-?!" She was about to ask why they were in Chaos' territory when she was suddenly interrupted by the blond leaping into the air and kissing her quickly. Strange… She didn't taste like _anything._ Zidane dropped down while the wraith was still confused.

"Let's get out of here! Only one more to go!" Zidane exclaimed as he and Bartz ran. Cloud of Darkness just floated there for a while, unsure of what attack that boy with the monkey tail was trying to do. She tilted her head and left the area to ask Ultimecia about it.

59595

"You take this 'stealing a kiss' thing too seriously." Bartz told the kid.

"Hey, it worked, didn't it? And she didn't even get all crazy angry either!" Zidane grinned. "I just have to kiss Lightning, and I'll win the bet."

"We still have to get out of Chaos' territory, you know." Bartz rolled his eyes.

"Do you think this stuff's any good?" a cheery voice asked. Zidane and Bartz looked to see who it was from the bush they were hiding behind. Tidus was holding up some sort of trade material to a…a…

"Don't think I've ever seen _her_ before." The wanderer observed incredulously.

"She's _gorgeous_!" the thief exclaimed quietly. She kind of looked like Lightning, but with softer features, more expressive eyes, and a cuter face. Maybe she was a younger blond sister or something. "Wonder what her name is..."

"Too bad you're going to ruin her first impressions by abruptly kissing her." The brunet pointed out. "Plus, it looks like she's on Chaos' side. Tough luck, buddy."

"Pssh! How do you know Tidus isn't kidnapping her or something?" The blond kid asked.

"They're talking kind of casually, you know." Bartz noted. "Well, Tidus is talking, that girl's pretty quiet."

"We could get some stuff to make decent armor over there." The ace pointed to a far away area. "Want to try it?" He suggested to the gorgeous girl. She nodded, her golden curls bouncing with the slight movement.

"Hey, nice day, isn't it?" Zidane greeted them cheerily.

"Whoa!" Tidus startled slightly. He looked behind himself, but no one was there. When he turned his attention back to the gorgeous girl, Zidane had already taken her long-gloved hand in his.

"Don't think I've ever seen you before." The thief said, almost placing a kiss on the hand he held. Tidus narrowed his eyes.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He warned. Zidane turned his attention to the blitzball player with a frown.

"Don't tell me she's your girlfriend or anything because she's kind of out of your league, man." The boy with the monkey tail said blatantly. Unbeknownst to him, the girl had called her weapon to her side, a sword almost as big as Jecht's. Bartz's eyes widened at the sight. She probably wasn't a Chaos warrior for nothing, if she was that strong!

"What?!" Tidus almost laughed at the thought. "No! No, of course not! That's…ha ha ha!" The bubbly sword wielder gave in to laughter. Zidane entertained the thought that maybe she was _Tidus'_ sister and not Lightning's.

"Zidane!" Bartz yelled out as he pushed the younger warrior out of the way from the girl's attack. She looked a little ticked off at missing.

"Whoa, she's strong!" Zidane noted with a smile, his tail waving a bit more than normal. Bartz was about to tell him how inappropriate the time was when the girl swung her sword overhead again. He pulled the kid out of the way.

"She must be really sensitive or something," Bartz tried to figure it out as he and Zidane dodged each blow, "and you probably hurt her feelings, Zidane!"

"But I didn't do anything yet!" The thief protested. She lifted her sword and was able to make about a half-circle wave with it before Tidus grabbed her wrist.

"C'mon, they're not worth it." He tried to assure her. She dismissed her weapon reluctantly, and Tidus smiled in approval. "Let's just g-?!" The ace was interrupted by Zidane quickly stole a kiss from the gorgeous girl. Three pairs of eyes widened at the sheer temerity the kid possessed. She had soft lips, but her jaw line was pretty hard compared to the other girls'. She had a nice taste, though, sweet like vanilla...and maybe a hint of honey? The gorgeous girl apparently had enough as she shoved the thief off and called her weapon to her side again, a furious blush spreading over her beautiful features.

"Sorry to kiss and leave, but maybe we can go on a date some time!" Zidane suggested quickly before he ran for his life with Bartz in tow. The two Chaos warriors watched them run away, and the gorgeous girl dismissed her weapon.

"We're lucky that they're idiots." Tidus attempted to look at the bright side. The gorgeous girl pouted and turned away from him. "Hey, at least it wasn't your first or anything, right Cloud?"

"Shut up, Tidus." Cloud ordered in a clipped tone.

59595

"_Now_ I have one more to go!" Zidane declared. "Get ready to lose, Bartz."

"You haven't won yet." Bartz protested. "And don't think Lightning's going to be any easier."

"I survived six attacks. I think I can handle whatever Lightning throws at me." The thief said.

"Only because I saved your life." Bartz pointed out.

"And that's what friends are for!" Zidane said dismissively as he headed towards the last target. Bartz sighed.

"If she tries to kill you, then I'm not jumping in to save you." He quietly promised himself as he hid further behind a crystallic structure.

"Hey, Lightning." Zidane greeted her happily.

"What do you want?" She demanded.

"I can't just say 'hi'?" He asked her.

"Not with a suspicious-looking face like that." She said.

"Hmph." He pouted slightly. He then looked at the weird striped cane things she was holding. "What're those things?" She looked down at what she was holding, apparently forgetting that they were in her hand.

"Don't know." She answered. "Laguna and Vaan found a bunch of them, so they went to Cosmos to ask what they are. They taste pretty good if you take the plastic stuff off." She explained. "Do you want so-?!" Zidane quickly kissed her. Bartz's hand met his forehead. The boy with the monkey tail thought she tasted like cherries and peppermint before she shoved him off. "You little…!"

"Hey Lightning, bye Lightning!" Bartz said quickly as he grabbed Zidane and ran for it.

"Thundaga!" A trail of bolts followed the two warriors, almost tripping Bartz. "You're dead!" She ran after them, throwing away the striped cane things in her hand and pulling out her gunblade.

"Squall, help!" the two guys pleaded as they hid behind the leather wearing gunbladesman. He had been looking for them, so it was fairly convenient.

"Zidane, why did you kiss Ulti-?!" The lion was about to ask before he got hit with Lightning's Crushing Blow attack. Squall then disappeared into the sky with a surprised scream while Lightning looked a little ticked off at the fact that she misjudged her distance. Zidane and Bartz screamed before they ran away again, the gunbladeswoman firing a waterga spell at them this time.

59595

"Told you I could do it!" Zidane bragged. Lightning had to apologize to Squall, so they managed to evade her.

"Only 'cause you had me and Squall." Bartz reminded him.

"Yeah." The boy with the monkey tail agreed. "And that's why I'm going to give you whatever treasure I can't use."

"That wasn't part of the bet, though." The wanderer said.

"I know, but I couldn't have won if it hadn't been for you, anyway, so you should at least get something instead of nothing." The thief reasoned. "Besides, you can use almost any weapon anyway."

"Cool." Bartz said. "Let's head back to the sanctuary, then?"

"Yeah."

59595

"Zidane!" Tifa, Jecht, Squall, and Lightning yelled as they all attacked him at the same time when he entered Order's Sanctuary. He was lucky he was fast, for if that blow had landed, he would not be in one piece.

"Hey guys…calm down." The thief requested as he held his hands up in front of him.

"I agree." Cosmos said after she explained to Laguna and Vaan that the weird striped cane things were a type of candy. "This is supposed to be a peaceful, joyous occasion."

"Whoa!" Zidane dodged the insanely large meteor that Jecht had thrown at him.

"Cosmos said 'peaceful' and 'joyous!'" Warrior of Light asserted. His eyes widened before he dodged the aero spell that Lightning threw at him. He narrowed his eyes as he held his shield threateningly. "Don't make me hurt you!"

The goddess sighed as four of her warriors were attacking one of her warriors while the rest were trying to break the fight up.

"I bet Chaos never has to deal with this." She absentmindedly said to herself.

-OHWHATFUNITISTOWRITE WITHNOTHINGONYOURMIND!

Hoshi: And this fic marks that the Days of Christmas project is approximately two-thirds of the way complete! Yeah!

Holiday moral: One should fully know what it is they're getting into before partaking in a bet.

Hoshi: And I broke the five page limit…

KN: You don't even sound guilty! Go sit in the corner and think about your life.


End file.
